One Month Later

Whew, can I just take a moment to breathe?  What a month it's been.  I've tried a dozen times to sit down and officially announce to the blogging world that Juliet has arrived.  But having a newborn around is exhausting! I don't have the brain power most days to do much beside mindlessly watch television or play on my awesome early Christmas present, my iPad.  I'm lucky if I remember to shower most days, let alone sit down and write something coherent.

But it's been a month now, and it's about time to force my brain cells to start working again.  Juliet was born November 12th via c-section at 9:40am.  She was 9lbs, 4oz and 20 inches long.  No one was expecting a 9+ pound baby!  She was almost two pounds heavier than Evie was at birth! 

The c-section and subsequent hospital stay went well.  I would never wish to go through another c-section--I definitely don't agree with those that say it's easier than a vaginal birth--but according to my doctors, I recovered exceptionally well from it.  The first few days were extremely rough, but thankfully Michael has been home to help.

Juliet had a slightly rough start with lots of fluid in her lungs due to being born via c-section but I was finally able to hold her when she was three hours old.  She's nursed like a champ right from the start which is such a blessing since Evie had a rough time with it.  She sleeps pretty wonderfully as well though I'm ready for the days she sleeps longer than three hours at a time.  I am just not on my A-game when I have inadequate sleep!  Evie started sleeping longer stretches by eight weeks so I'm really hoping Juliet will do at least as well as that.

Life as a mom of two has been an adjustment, but since Michael has been on Leave since Juliet's birth and doesn't go back to work until next week, I haven't had to really juggle it on my own yet.  Unfortunately, after the holidays Michael is leaving for a TDY, and will be gone for almost two months.  So I will go from having Michael home 100% of the time to none of the time, with only a week or so of adjustment in between.  It will be interesting for sure, and hopefully I'll still have my sanity by the end of it.

And because I know all you probably really care about is seeing pictures of my cute littlest princess, I'll leave you with a few.  Hopefully I'll be around more now that I'm trying to act human again, but no promises! :)

Stubborn Baby

Last week I underwent an external version to try to turn Juliet from breech to head down.  As I explained, it wasn't successful.  That same night she did a lot of  twisting and turning, and we were hoping that she had finished turning herself the rest of the way all on her own.  I had my weekly OB/GYN appointment on Thursday, and the doctor I saw wasn't able to determine whether or not she was breech.  Juliet likes to keep everyone guessing!   Unfortunately, an ultrasound on Friday morning showed that she was indeed still breech.  What a tremendous letdown. 

I am now scheduled for a planned c-section this coming Monday morning.  In six days (or less, if I happen to go into labor before then), Juliet will finally be here!  I'm still attempting all the at-home methods to try to get her to turn, but I have mostly resigned myself to the fact that she's going to enter the world the exact opposite of how I was hoping.  Some babies do turn last minute, but the percentage of babies that turn on their own after a failed external version is extremely low.  I'm not holding out much hope.

I'm struggling with a mixture of bitterness and disappointment with the whole ordeal right now.  Yes, a healthy baby is the most important thing.  Yes, a c-section may not be the end of the world.  No, not every pregnancy ends exactly how we want it to.  Maybe it's just my hormones, but I am incredibly sick of hearing cliches such as these, even if they are meant to be encouraging and well-meaning.  I get that people don't always know what to say, but implying that I don't want what's best for my baby or that I'm overreacting is incredibly offensive.  I'm entitled to my feelings.

I think the biggest reason the idea of a c-section is so hard for me is because I set my sights on trying for an all-natural labor and delivery.  I was induced and had an epidural with Evie, and it was the best thing for the both of us at the time.  But since this is my last pregnancy, I really wanted to experience the whole process the way nature intended, without any medical interventions.  Or at least give it my best effort. See what I was capable of.  A c-section is the exact opposite of all of that.  And that's a hard thing to accept, knowing I'll never have that experience to look back on. 

However, I am trying to focus on the positive as much as possible, and trying not to let how Juliet enters the world completely taint the excitement of her birth.  I can't wait to see who she looks like, how much she weighs, if she has any hair.  I'm looking forward to that sweet baby smell, bonding during breastfeeding, seeing Evie as a big sister.  After a journey that began almost two years ago, the light at the end of the tunnel is finally drawing near.  I can't wait!

Photo Goofiness

Every once in awhile, Evie and I will do a little photo shoot of the two of us.  It usually includes a couple nice, normal shots.  And then the silliness comes out.  I figured we needed to do one last one with just the two of us before Juliet is born.  Enjoy :)

See, we can do normal

Kisses for Baby Sister

Goofy

Our version of the "duck face"

Ahhhh!

Evie's kisses are sometimes slightly abusive

Turn, Baby, Turn!

The end is near!

I'm a couple days shy of 37 weeks. and I'm so happy every time I think about it.  No matter what, I will be a mother of two within the month!  I'm elated and scared out of my mind at the same time.  That's normal, right?  I'm really only nervous for the adjustment part though.  We've been a family of three for almost five years.  It's going to be hard on everyone involved to adjust to a new family member.  Everything else--even the poopy diapers and impossibly long nights--is actually a bit of a thrill.  I am so ready to have a newborn in the house again.

Everything pregnancy-wise is still going well.  My body is slowly starting to progress, which I am thankful for.  I want my body to have a head start on dilating, etc so when labor finally happens, it hopefully won't be one million hours long.  I'm managing all the usual pregnancy complaints pretty well.  I won't miss the swollen feet or the inability to move because of this huge basketball stuffed under my shirt, but I'm trying to cherish these last moments of pregnancy.  I'm never going to be pregnant again, and it's all a little bittersweet. 

I received the best compliment ever while shopping at the Commissary yesterday.  A lady shopping behind me stopped to tell me she couldn't even tell I was pregnant until I turned to the side, and the belly was revealed.  With only a few weeks of my pregnancy to go, I find that to be quite a compliment.  I'm so thankful I'm carrying this pregnancy so well--hopefully that means the pounds will just melt off afterwards!

36 Week Picture

The one complaint I have pregnancy-wise is that Juliet is breech!  It really is just my luck.  The entire pregnancy up until about 31 weeks, she was always nestled very low in my pelvis.  I rarely felt movement above my belly button, and her hiccups were always extremely low.  When I hit 31 weeks, she decided torturing Mommy would be super fun.  She'll be head down for about seven to ten days, and then flip to breech.  She tends to stay in that position for about a day, and is usually extremely active during that period.  And then she flips back to head down.  Because I am carrying so compactly and the placement of her hiccups are so discernible, it is very easy for me to tell her position.

At my appointment last week, I mentioned to my doctor that I was pretty sure she had turned to breech the day before.  She sent me for an ultrasound for confirmation, and low and behold, Juliet's butt was nestled right down in my pelvis!  We talked about my options, and were planning on scheduling a procedure where the doctor manually tries to turn the baby using external manipulation for this week.   And then that night, like I figured she would, Juliet turned back to head down.  Disaster evaded...or so we thought.

Of course the little stinker stayed in the right position until Tuesday morning.  I woke up to hiccups right at my ribcage, and my doctor appointment the next morning confirmed it.  She's breech again!  Obviously she has enough room to move around yet, but she's been in this position for a few days now--the longest she's stayed breech.  I have the external version appointment set for next week, but really hope she turns on her own.  I've been trying all the "tricks" to get her to move--a cold pack to make her mad, music and a flashlight to catch her attention, pelvic tilts and sticking my booty up in the air to shift her center of gravity. 

Obviously. I'll try anything that has even an inkling of working because I will do anything in my power to avoid a c-section! I know it's not the end of the world if that's the route I end up having to take, but it won't be an option I'll take lightly.  I want what's best for the health of Juliet and myself, but I don't necessarily believe having a c-section is the best thing for our health in every situation. Thankfully my doctor is willing to try to manually move her up until my water breaks so we aren't even discussing a scheduled c-section.

So keep your fingers crossed that she turns to head down, and stays!

The Final Stretch

I'm here for my monthly update!  Ha, whoops.  This blogging thing doesn't seem to be top of my list these days.  Maybe when Juliet finally makes her arrival, I'll be bursting to share every single one of her milestones with all of you, and I'll overwhelm you with posts.  More likely I'll be staring off into space like a zombie for a few months, and I'll be lucky if I can remember to take a shower, let alone blog often.

I'm a few days into my 33rd week of pregnancy, and getting very anxious to meet little lady.  Apparently, Juliet is just as excited to meet us because she put me through my first round of preterm labor over the weekend.  Thankfully it stopped on it's own, but not before keeping me up half of the night.  They don't try to stop labor once you hit 34 weeks so since I'm so close to that magic number, my doctor didn't even have me go into Labor & Delivery because the contractions were still 10 minutes apart.  Even though we're excited for her to arrive, that night made us nervous enough to be content with her waiting it out at least another month.

Other than that, things have been going well.  We finally finished up her nursery, and I will post a nursery reveal very soon.  I love how it turned out!  And I'm really proud that Michael and I did so much of it ourselves.  The only things that weren't repurrposed or homemade were things that would have been pretty difficult to do ourselves--such as making the lamp or cube organizer.

We have everything else ready for Juliet's arrival as well.  All we need is her.  I'm glad we got everything taken care of in case she comes early, but now I have to scramble for things to keep me occupied.  Maybe I'll get a lot of Christmas presents taken care of so I don't have to worry about making or buying anything those first few weeks after her birth.

I'm feeling pretty good for being 33 weeks pregnant.  My back pain is barely a nuisance anymore, and all the regular pregnancy symptoms are pretty minor at the moment.  My biggest complaint is not being able to move as easily or roll over without a concentrated effort.  I'm up almost every hour or two at night because I either need to pee (AGAIN!) or the side I'm currently sleeping on is going numb, and I need to heave myself over to the other side.  I'm ready for pregnancy to be over, but mostly just because I'm ready to meet my newest little princess.

I'll leave you with my latest belly picture, and a promise to be back very soon with the nursery reveal!

3rd Trimester!

Why hello again strangers! 

I'm 28 weeks pregnant as of this last Saturday, and am finally in my 3rd trimester.  Two-thirds of the way done, finally!  Nine months is far too long to be pregnant.  I'm ready to meet this little princess!

Things have been going well thus far.  Although I had some really bad back pain for a couple of weeks, after seeing a physical therapist I have seen an immense amount of relief.  My sacrum bone and hips are both misaligned so I now do corrective stretches during the day, and try to avoid the big things that tend to cause the bones to keep misaligning.  The pain isn't gone all the way, but it's not as sharp or intense as it was at it's worst.  I think having the therapist do a deep tissue massage to get the huge knot out did wonders.  Guess there is a lot to be said for massages!

Everything else in pregnancy has been going very smoothly.  I still battle with feeling woozy almost every morning, and have to be very careful not to overheat as I've come close to fainting many times.  But otherwise, I'm pretty lucky.  All the little aches and pains and annoying side effects that come with pregnancy are easy to deal with although I know this last trimester is usually the worst. 

Belly pictures are always one of the funnest parts of pregnancy, I think.  I'm pretty faithful about taking them at least every couple of weeks, but will probably be more diligent about taking them every week in the third trimester since the belly grows so rapidly during this stage.  Weird enough, I seemed to have shrunk between weeks 26 and 28.  I know that's not really possible, and I've been measuring right on target at all my appointments so I'm not worried.  It boggles my mind though because Juliet has been positioned very low in my pelvis basically the entire time I've been able to feel fetal movement.  She finally moved up a couple inches (which I love because I can really feel those rolls and such now!) last week so you would think my belly would seem larger not smaller.  I'll let you be the judge.

26 Weeks

28 Weeks

Regardless, there's no mistaking my pregnant bump.  I actually adore it, and know I'll miss it a little when Juliet arrives.  Even if it does get in the way most of the time.  And makes me go red in the face if I attempt to reach my toes.  Good thing Evie likes helping Mommy put her shoes and socks on!

We've accomplished a lot in the nursery this last month.  The crib is all painted and set up, and I finished the crib skirt.  We tackled a huge chunk this weekend, figuring out a way to make her tiny 3 feet by 3 feet closet (that doesn't have floor space because it's right about the stairway) workable.  It's all coming together, and I'm excited to do a big nursery reveal in a few weeks. 

Hopefully I remember to blog a few times between now and then.  This pregnancy brain is killer, let me tell you...

Feeling a Little Crunchy

I mentioned in my post the other day regarding preparing for Juliet that I've been feeling like a "crunchy" momma lately.  It's a newer term for me too, so don't feel bad if you're shaking your head in confusion.  According to Urban Dictionary, a crunchy mama is a mom "who supports homebirth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, etc."  So basically, a hippy! :)

I'm not into home births personally and I prefer a bassinet next to the bed to actual co-sleeping, but everything else applies.  Or at least will, when Juliet arrives.  I've been feeling extra crunchy because Michael and I have decided we're going to cloth diaper! 

Before you wrinkle your nose at me and tell me that's disgusting or say "good luck with that" in a snotty voice, ask yourself if you really know what it means to cloth diaper babies in the here and now.  Gone are the days of pins and plastic pants and dunking poopy diapers in the toilet.  Cloth diapers have come a long way from generations past.  And thank goodness for that.

When I was pregnant with Evie, we considered cloth diapering.  I already knew I was going to breastfeed and make as much of my own baby food as possible--why wouldn't I consider cloth diapering as well?  Sure, it wouldn't be as simple as throwing a disposable diaper in the trash can after every use, but I'm not a fan of doing something just because it's simpler.  If I were, I'd eat at McDonald's every day.  In the end, we went with disposables because we didn't have a washer and dryer in our house, and didn't know when that would change.  Cloth diapering didn't fit into our life at that point in time, and I'm okay with that.

But this time around is different.  We have our own washer and dryer.  I'm not juggling being a first time mom and college.  And I remember how guilty I felt after buying each box of disposables, knowing I'd just be filling the landfills up with more and more waste.  I'm ready to tackle cloth diapering head on.

I'm not going to get into all the reasons why I think cloth diapering is awesome, mainly because it's one of those hot topics people love to argue about.  I've never really understood why people can't just choose to disagree and move on with their lives. Whether you choose bottle or breast, cloth or disposable, daycare or staying home--it's your choice, and I respect that.  Please have the courtesy to do the same.

But what I will say is, cloth diapers are freaking adorable!  Seriously, I can't wait to put Juliet in them. 
 

Aren't they fabulous?  These are Best Bottoms hybrid diapers, the diapers I'm hoping we'll love the most!

We contemplated starting Juliet in disposables until she fit into the one-size diapers (which could be anywhere from birth to three months), but we decided to go with a newborn cloth diaper rental program instead.  It will allow us to start her in cloth diapers right away without making a large investment in newborn diapers that fit for such a brief time, with the added bonus of allowing us to try a few different kinds to see what we like.  And we'll only spend a maximum of $80 to rent the diapers for three months!  You really can't beat that.

With the newborn rental program, we're going to try Little Joey's AIOs, bumGenius AIOs and Fuzzibunz Pocket diapers.  We're also going to buy a few Best Bottoms at the recommendations of a few friends who use them.  For all you moms out there that cloth diaper, please feel free to chime in with your favorite kinds and brands!  I'm a research fanatic so I think these will be the best fit for us to start with, but I'm always open to hearing first hand experience.

I could go on and on about cloth diapers, but I think I'll just say this:  don't knock something until you've tried it.  I'm hoping we'll love cloth diapering (and thankfully Michael is just as on board with the idea as me), but we also know it's going to be a struggle.  Just like anything to do with parenting is.  Heck, I had a lot of people tell me breastfeeding was way too hard, and they had no doubt I'd quit within a few weeks.  I breastfed Evie for over twelve months.  I'm not a quitter, and I hold fast to my convictions.

Juliet's Nursery Inspiration

As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I started looking at ideas for what to do with the nursery.  Evie's nursery was very simple, with a homemade bedding set by my mother-in-law and a few stencils on the wall.  Her room was so tiny and we were on such a tight budget, it was the best we could do. 

Fast forward five years, and we have a little more to work with.  The nursery in this house is still pretty small though, and the closet is ridiculous that I can't even think about it without cringing.  But it's definitely a step up from what Evie came home to.

Between Pinterest and Google, I came up with quite a few different nursery themes and color schemes.  My absolute favorite was our choice for a boy's nursery (turquoise and orange), but since that didn't work out, I had something else pretty awesome in mind.

We finally decided on pink and grey!  I'm not really a fan of super cutesy for a nursery--or for anything baby, really--and wanted whatever we chose to be able to grow with her for a few years.  I also think the price of bedding sets is a complete ripoff so Juliet will be getting a homemade one like her sister.  But this time around, I'm making it!  I hope I don't live to regret that decision.

Pink and grey doesn't seem to be a super popular color scheme yet, but I was able to find a few different pictures online for inspiration.  Never underestimate the power of Pinterest--you can find everything on that site! 

These pictures were some of the inspiration that made me fall in love with this color scheme.

Credit Here

Credit

Credit

I love how the grey is a great background to make the pink really pop.  It's not overwhelming, and it's always easy to find girly things in the color pink.  I really like the chevron stripes, and the use of both light and hot pinks.  I have quite a few more inspiration pictures on my Pinterest board so head on over there if you want to see what else we're considering. 

We decided we're going to just paint one accent wall in a light grey because a) Michael will do the painting and he's not a big fan and b) I hate the idea of having to repaint walls when we move out of this house. Michael is also sanding down and repainting the crib (white) and dresser (grey) we used in Evie's nursery.  Most of the fabric used will be a dark/hot pink with possibly a few accents of grey.  Grey fabric at a reasonable price is hard to find though!

We're going to Wisconsin to visit family next week, but once we're back we're diving head first into this room!  I don't want to leave everything for the last minute, and let's face it, I'm just too excited to wait.  I'll update with progress pictures as things move along. 

Baby 2.0 is a...

We had the anatomy ultrasound on Baby 2.0 this morning, and I am happy to announce....

Baby 2.0 is now Baby Girl 2.0!

I have to admit that I was partial to having another little girl, but am a touch sad that I'll never be the mother to a son.  We aren't planning on anymore children after this little princess is born so the news of another girl was bittersweet.  I'm ecstatic, but a little forlorn at the same time.

Everything looked great at the ultrasound.  Baby Girl was moving around like crazy so it was hard for the sonographer to get great pictures of anything.  As soon as she'd go to click the perfect image, Baby Girl would bounce away.  It was pretty cool to feel her kicking the ultrasound wand though, and wiggling to get out of the way.  She was measuring 19 weeks, 4 days which is 9 days ahead of schedule.  Every ultrasound she measures just a little bit more ahead which is a tiny bit frightening.  Evie weighed a perfect 7lb, 6.5oz at birth.  I'm hoping Baby Girl just comes a week or two early rather than being a nine pound newborn!

Now that we know the sex of the baby, I am ready to get working on the nursery!  I plan on making as much of her decor, bedding, etc as I possibly can so the sooner I get started the better.  I'm excited to get to plan the nursery down to the tiniest details rather than buy a prefabricated bedding set with matching decor. There's nothing wrong with buying a nursery set from the local department store, but I want something a little more original than that.

For some reason it seems harder to make decisions on baby girl stuff than boy stuff this time around.  If Baby Girl had been a boy, he would have been named already and his nursery was planned months ago.  I like a lot of ideas I've found for girls in both departments, but it's taking a lot more effort to love something.  Thankfully I've finally found a nursery color palette that I love.  I'll have to write a post soon with the different pictures that have given me inspiration.

Baby Girl doesn't have a name yet.  I thought she did, but then Michael changed his mind.  It's taking him longer to come around to a name than it does for me.  I'm a name connoisseur--I love them and covet them in little lists ever since I was a child.  We do have a short list though so hopefully she will have a name soon!

The Most Precious Sound

Today we heard the most beautiful sound in the world.  The sound of Baby 2.0's heartbeat!

I'm officially 10 weeks, 2 days pregnant, and so happy to have made it to this point in the pregnancy.  Hearing the heartbeat is such a pivotal moment because the chance of miscarriage has now dropped dramatically.  I finally feel like this baby is really going to be a part of our family in a few months.  The year of heartache and repeated disappointment finally has taken a turn for the better.

My pregnancy has been going well.  I can definitely attest to the fact that morning sickness is a serious misnomer.  All-day sickness would be a better term.  I cannot wait to stop taking my progesterone supplement and for the first trimester to be over so I can finally find some relief.  It's worth it--but I am not a fan of feeling like a zombie every day.

We're having a Nuchal Scan in a couple of weeks.  Basically it's an ultrasound coupled with blood work that pre-screens for Down Syndrome and other genetic defects.  We're having the test done mainly because insurance pays for it, and for a bonus ultrasound.  I can't wait to see Baby 2.0 actually looks like a baby instead of the small fetal pole and gestational sac we saw at the last ultrasound.  It's amazing the difference six weeks will make. 

So we're excited.  Not so scared anymore, though I'm sure I'll feel even more reassured after we have the ultrasound!

The Sex Debate

You have no idea how glad I am that the sex of Baby 2.0 is decided by a little tiny sperm, and not by me.

One of the most exciting parts about having a baby is finding out whether it will be a boy or girl.  For the weeks leading up to the big ultrasound, everyone chimes in with their opinions one way or another.  They weigh in with old wives tales or just personal feelings.  I love daydreaming about having another little girl to dress up in pretty clothes or a boy that looks just like Michael.  I don't have the patience nor feel the moment would be more special if we waited for the birth of the baby to find out the sex.

But I almost wish I did.

Michael and I aren't planning on having more than two children.  Back before we had Evie, I always said I wanted at least three but probably four children, and Michael was always pretty firm on two.  Once I became a parent, I realized that if I wanted to keep my sanity and any semblance of organization in my life, two children were probably my limit too.  I love kids, but I rank my sanity pretty high up there too.

So since we are planning on Baby 2.0 being our last child, I have very mixed feelings about the sex of the baby.  Of course what I want most is a healthy baby.  But beyond that, I would love to have another little girl.  I love dresses and girly things.  And girls are familiar to me.  When I think about having a son and him becoming a teenager someday, I can't help but shudder in fear.  I can handle menstruation and birth control and shrilly female moments of drama because I've lived those moments.  Not so sure about wet dreams and all those fun male things.  Oh my god, that's so scary.  But I know having a son would open up a whole new world to me, and would brighten my life so much.  So although I'd choose girl over boy if it were up to me, I'll be happy either way.

What really makes me nervous about finding out the sex of Baby 2.0 is the rest of my little family.  I'm sure if you asked Michael, he'd say the same as me but in reverse.  He wants a healthy baby above all, but would really love a son.  Of course he'd be okay with another girl--it wouldn't be his first rodeo.  But what guy doesn't want a son?  I'll be so disappointed for him if Baby 2.0 is a girl. 

Evie, on the other hand, will not be happy with either boy or girl.  She still refuses to even consider the fact that Baby 2.0 could be a boy.  This is how a typical conversation goes with her involving the baby:

Evie:  What's my baby sister doing now, Mommy?
Me:   She's growing super fast so she can meet you.  But you know the baby might be a brother, right?
Evie:  But it might be a sister.
Me:  Yes, I know.  But the baby might be a boy.
Evie:  I think it's a girl.
Me:  Yes,  I realize this.  But what if the baby is a boy?
Evie:  I think it's a girl.

It goes on and on and on.  She absolutely will not budge.  I asked Evie if she will still love the baby if it's a brother, and she said no.  This honestly worries me because she is stubborn like both her parents, and I could see her being so mad if Baby 2.0 is a boy that she really will refuse to acknowledge it.  Yes, I'm sure eventually she would get over it.  She loves our friends' little son.  But she wants a sister to share all her stuff with so badly that I think she will be deeply disappointed.

And therein lies my dilemma.

I'll be disappointed for Michael if Baby 2.0 is a girl because this is his last shot at having a boy.  I know how badly it would have hurt me if we hadn't ever had a girl so I would feel so sad for all that could have been.  But I know that Evie will be so disappointed if Baby 2.0 is a boy.  She wants a sister so badly that she won't even think about the alternative.  I know that eventually she would love him regardless, but the loss of a sister bond would break my heart a little too.

At this point, I almost wish I were pregnant with twins--one boy and one girl.  I can't even believe I just said that.  But it would solve this little dilemma.  Too bad I've already had two ultrasounds and they double checked extra carefully both times to make sure only one baby was present.  

So many thanks to that tiny sperm that took on this burden.  I am so glad I am not you.

A Week Without Sleep

Pregnant women should always be allowed as much sleep as they want.  Anyone want to inform Evie of this?

What a week.  Poor Evie came down with a stomach bug on Sunday night, and was up vomiting for a few hours.  I had only fallen asleep about four hours before she woke up, and was awake for about the next four so by the time morning finally rolled around, I was so exhausted.  Thankfully Michael took over for awhile so I could catch another couple hours of sleep.

Although she got over the bug pretty quickly, Evie still felt a little crummy at bed time.  After listening to her cry in her sleep, I let her slip into bed with me for awhile since Michael is working the night shift this week.  Since infancy, she hasn't slept with me outside of vacations or hotel stays.  And I remember why.

She kicks when she sleeps.  A lot.  Ouch.

After being woken up about fifty times in what felt like five minutes from her kicking me, I finally carried her sleeping butt back to bed.  Only a few hours later, I woke up with chest pains that lasted a few hours.  Another sleeping fail.

It was smooth sailing on Tuesday night.  I probably got close to eleven hours of sleep.  I still felt sleep deprived yesterday, but didn't feel as much like a zombie as I had the two previous days.

And then last night happened.  If I didn't love Evie so much, I would have ran out into the streets, screaming, never to return.

For some random reason, the power went out around 4:30 in the morning.  We run small fans in our room for white noise so as soon as the power went out Evie woke up.  And of course started yelling because her nightlight was also off. 

Every time I started to doze off, Evie would yell to me about something.  First, it was that she couldn't sleep with just her flashlight on and no fan.  That problem was easily fixed after the power finally came back on.  Then she thought she saw a bug on her ceiling.  I checked--nothing.  Then she came out yelling because the bug was on her.   Again, nothing.  Then she wanted a drink of water.  Lastly, she yelled because the bug was in her bed.  Oh. My. God.  I finally just let her come sleep in my bed, knowing that she would probably kick me every five minutes, but five minutes of sleep was better than none.

I didn't have to worry about Evie kicking me though.  Because she never fell asleep!  I kept dozing off, and she kept waking me up to talk.  "Want to hear a story, Mommy" or "Let me tell you a joke".  The last time she woke me up yelling "Daddy is home!"  Yep, she was up until Michael got home shortly after seven. 

I cannot believe she didn't fall back asleep.  Especially because by the time Michael put her back to bed and he came to bed himself (not after Evie came out telling him there was a roly poly in her room!), it was almost eight o'clock.  And I had to get up at 8:30 to get ready for my first ob/gyn appointment. 

It wasn't without a little satisfaction that I woke her snoring butt up a little while later.  At least I wasn't the only one with bags under my eyes.  I hope we both sleep like rocks tonight.  Thankfully Michael is suppose to come home early so if she decides to wake up again, at least he can deal with her!

Baby 2.0

I think the title of this post probably spells it all out pretty nicely, but in case you are confused?  We're expecting again!

Right now, I'm somewhere between 6-7 weeks along. The doctors say 6 weeks, 3 days while the ultrasound suggests 7 weeks.  But regardless, Baby 2.0 is due to arrive in the middle of November.

At this stage in the game, ultrasounds don't show all that much.  Baby was measuring 6 weeks, 6 days, and really all you can see at this point is the yolk sac (which supplies nutrients for the baby) and the tiny little fetus.  This was actually our second ultrasound, and at the first you could barely see the yolk sak.  It's amazing just how fast they grow.  It is said that at 7 weeks, baby is about the size of a blueberry.

A very large part of my absence on this blog over the past few months is due to trying for this miracle.  After our miscarriage last April, we had a little difficulty getting pregnant.  After a couple rounds of fertility drugs and some progesterone cream to help my low progesterone levels, I ended up getting pregnant during a month when I had no fertility drugs or aids in my system.  Figures, right?

Right now, our feelings on the pregnancy run pretty frequently between elation and being petrified.  We were able to see a strong heartbeat at the ultrasound which is always a very positive sign, but after suffering a loss and then disappointment month after month while trying again to conceive, it is hard to not let the past color the present.

One of the toughest things about this pregnancy is that Baby 2.0's due date is literally the day before the baby we lost last year.  If it hadn't been Leap Year, the due dates would have been the same.  The coincidence and deja vu of it all can be a little unnerving at times.  But we are trying to hold on to the fact that our chances of another miscarriage are low, and that the doctors seem to be monitoring it all as best they can.

Symptom wise, I'm definitely feeling pregnant.  Because I already get motion sickness very easily, I always seem to get nauseous pretty immediately in pregnancy.  This time around is a little different in that I literally feel carsick from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed.  Eating helps, but only for a brief period of time.  Zofran, an anti-nausea medicine, doesn't seem to help much either.  Thankfully I have a huge aversion to vomiting so I will do anything and everything to keep that particular symptom at bay.  Eating is a chore since I have non-stop nausea, but I've been forcing myself to at least get a predetermined amount of calories in per day.  My workout regime has been pretty much halted due to the nausea as well, but I hope to pick it up again as soon as I feel able. 

On a happy note, Evie is absolutely thrilled that she is finally going to be a big sister.  We started prepping her for the idea of a sibling last year when we got pregnant (thankfully, we hadn't told her about the pregnancy) so she has been talking about having a baby sister constantly ever since.  She refuses to even consider the fact that she may have a baby brother.  She is going to be one mad little four year old if Baby 2.0 ends up being a boy.

Doesn't she look excited?  When we told her of the pregnancy, she just giggled and demanded to see my belly.  We debated when to tell her about the baby since we aren't out of the woods yet for miscarriage, but after seeing a strong heartbeat we just decided to go for it.  We want to give this baby all the positive juju we can!

Evie's been talking and singing to the baby already, and gives it kisses at bedtime.  Since she's been around other pregnant women I think she grasps the concept that it will be awhile before the baby actually arrives.  But that hasn't stopped her from asking once or twice if it's time for the baby to come out yet.  This could be a long 7.5 months!

Schooling at Home

Let me start by saying, wow.  I really do suck at posting regularly.  Whoops!  I keep meaning to write all sorts of posts, but I've just been living in the moments lately.  I promise I really do want to try to become a regular blogger again!

Evie is four years old now, and keeping me plenty busy.  She's been attending preschool two days a week (two and a half hours a day) this year, and learning tons.  She's always been really curious and interested in learning, and school has just enhanced that.  She's a little sponge for information, and I love seeing her little brain at work.

Now that the school year is starting to wind down, they aren't tackling as many new skills or concepts as they have been.  It's mostly testing and preparing for the end of the year program.  Evie, however, is continuously ready to learn new things.  So what is a mom to do?

I started scouring the internet--and Pinterest, which is my form of crack--for printables and worksheets that I  could start doing with Evie at home.  Evie has quite a few Preschool-geared workbooks at home already, but she's almost beyond them.  She mastered letter and number recognition long ago, and is ready to start learning early reading and math.  Wasn't she just a baby a few minutes ago?  How is she ready for this stuff already?

The internet is such a beautiful thing.  I've found a lot of awesome Pre-K and Kindergarten materials online that we've started working through at home.  I quickly realized unless I wanted to buy a million boxes of computer paper and new ink cartridges every other week, buying a lamination machine was a necessity.  They are pretty inexpensive, and now she can practice the new concepts over and over again until she masters them without worrying about killing a ton of trees.

I'm pretty excited about schooling her at home over the summer.  She loves learning so much that her excitement rubs off on you.  She has one year left of preschool before she starts Kindergarten so it's going to be interesting  for sure to see how far she comes.

If you're interested in schooling your little one at home, Confessions of a Homeschooler and 1+1+1=1 are two blogs that have awesome printables that I love.  You can also check out my Pinterest board for others that I've pinned for later perusal. 

If you know of other sites that have materials for at-home-use, please feel free to pass them along!  I'm looking for as much help as I can get!

Little Girls & Their Heroes

Michael has been deployed for a couple months now, and we've finally found a good groove.  Our days have a good flow to them, and I feel like these summer days may fly by.  But we're definitely missing our lost family member.

We're lucky to be able to talk to Michael a few minutes each day which helps keep our lives from feeling too separate.  This has helped Evie tremendously during this first deployment because he still feels like a constant presence in our lives.  He may be halfway around the world, but Evie can still see his face every day.

Deployments affect children the hardest.

A massive understatement if there ever was one.  Her friends Daddies are gone too which is sort of a silver lining because they talk to each other about the deployments.  It helps that Evie's friends are a year or two older because they can comprehend the absence a little better than she does.  It is the sweetest yet most heart-wrenching thing to listen to them talk amongst themselves about missing their Daddies. The children didn't sign up for this life, but it will affect them tremendously nonetheless.

Evie has been coping with the deployment very well.  Better than I had anticipated, actually.  It's not that she doesn't miss Michael.  I think it's more that she handles change very well.  She knows that he's off working on airplanes, and that he's "far, far away".  She knows that he'll be coming back one day.

When she talks about her Papa, you know that he's her hero.  I asked her if he was a Superhero, and she gave it serious consideration.  I could see the wheels turning in her little head as she tossed the idea around.  She even started to agree, that yes he was a superhero.  But then she decided that since he doesn't have a cape, there's no way.  And besides, superheros don't wear hats.  Duh, Mom.

But she did concede that he is a hero even if he hasn't been granted super status.  And it's obvious that she believes this wholeheartedly if you listen to her talk.

Her Papa can accomplish anything.  I can't find the outdoor push broom?  "My Papa will find it when he gets home."  Her doll's head fell off?  "My Papa will fix that when he gets home."  I tell her that drinking her pool water will make her sick.  "That's okay.  Papa will give me medicine and make me all better when he gets home." 

I'm not sure whether to feel offended that my daughter thinks I can't do anything by myself or just smile because she has unending trust that her Papa can do absolutely anything.

Not to mention all the fun things that Evie will get to do when Michael returns.  "I get to go to preschool when Papa gets home."  And "I'm going to show Papa the butterfly garden when he gets home" since she absolutely loved the Botanica gardens we visited last week--especially the butterfly house.

I may be the one cuddling her while we watch her favorite movies, playing Barbies for hours, and tucking her in at night, but I am not her Papa.  No one can ever fill the place of a little girl's hero.

Why, Why, Why

Military spouses are always talking about Murphy's Law in regards to deployment.  As soon as our husbands leave, everything around us starts to break.  The car will refuse to start or the garage door will fall off.  Whatever our individual demons may be, Murphy will make sure they appear.  It is, after all, the Law.

Murphy struck in a unique way in my household.  With only one person to talk to day in and day out, Evie has found a new way to torture me.

The dreaded toddler phase has arrived.  I thought maybe I would be lucky, and Evie would never enter it.  But I was wrong.  Oh, so very very wrong. The most common word leaving her little lips right now is "why".  I'm investing in a pair of earplugs.  I'm kidding.  Maybe.  Possibly.

Evie is a pretty curious child and she's definitely intelligent, so why I thought she would skip this phase, I have no clue.  It was just wishful thinking I guess.  Apparently, I wished on the wrong star.  Because it is never ending.

"Why are you putting that cup on the counter" and "why do I need to eat my breakfast?" Oh, and "Why are we getting dressed, Mommy" (though this is actually a logical question because we don't always get dressed if we aren't leaving the house.  No judgment, people!).  Not to mention "why do I have to be quiet" and sometimes even "Why do you want to run away, Mommy?" 

Often times, she doesn't even ask a question.  It's just whywhywhywhywhywhywhy.  I'm really beginning to hate that word.

But as not to seem unfair, I will admit she uses other words occasionally.  Like "what are you doing" and "I don't know."  That last one is a doozy. 

Our conversations are pretty much scripted in my house right now:
ME:  Evie, what color is this?
EVIE:  I don't know.
ME:  Yes, you do. 
EVIE:  Green. 

All conversations are the same way.  I ask a question, she tells me she doesn't know.  I tell her that, yes you do indeed know the answer.  And then she proceeds to answer me.  Why can't she just answer the question the first time I ask it?  Life would be much simpler if three year-olds were logical.

I know this is a phase, and one day I will see the light at the end of this blasted tunnel.  But please baby Jesus, make it be soon.

Oh, and Murphy?  I hate you.

One + One = Four?

Yep, that's right.  Evie is going to be big sister in November!

We are so excited!!!

We have bounced back and forth and back and forth and back and forth about when--or even if--we were going to have our second child.  I talked about the reasons for our indecisiveness a few months back, and then we decided to put it off for awhile.  And we did.

And then one day?  It just seemed right.  So I said goodbye to the Mirena, and two months later...two pink lines! I'm glad it happened so quickly or I may have changed my mind again.

We are absolutely over the moon.  Every time I think about it, I can't wipe the silly grin off of my face.  Every doubt or worry I had before is gone.  This just feels right.

And so far I'm feeling pretty good.  My pregnancy symptoms all seem worse this time around which hardly seems fair (after all, last time I didn't have a toddler to chase around), but they aren't unmanageable.  I'm one of those annoying people who think pregnancy is magical, and I try to enjoy every precious moment of it.  Especially because we plan on this being my last pregnancy.

7 Weeks

I know.  Only seven weeks?  Just don't tell me I'm having twins or I might have to kick you.  I've been told you show a lot earlier with subsequent pregnancies, and that's what I'm sticking to. I can't even fathom more than one baby at a time.

So there's my news.  I'm sure between this and the other news I will be sharing tomorrow,  I will have lots to blog about in the months to come.  Hoorah!

Terrible....Threes?

I want to know who started this lie.

You know the one about twos being terrible?  That little statement "terrible twos" had me believing that when Evie hit the oh so magical age of three that toddlerhood would be a little easier.  Granted, she was a pretty good two year old so it wouldn't have been much of a difference.  But still.  I'm annoyed that I was lied to.

Because threes?  Are waaaaay more terrible than twos.

I'm a little curious if that sweet gray-eyed little angel I used to claim relation to will ever return.  Because right now, in her place, is a red horned little devil child with an attitude the size of an elephant and a temper the size of well....mine.

Don't get me wrong.  She's still pretty amazing.  The little moments when she whispers "I love you Mommy" or asks me to sing her a lullaby just one more time always catch at my heart, and do a great job of erasing all those not-so-great moments of the day away.  Those not-so-great moments that make me want to scream and pull my hair out and pretty much run away from it all.

I wish someone would have told me this is all.  I wasn't prepared.  And it was basically like someone flipped a switch.  She turned three and then BAM!  Instant chaos.  

Most of the time I feel like I know what to do as a parent.  Right now isn't one of those times.

When it comes to my child, I have the patience of a saint.  Most of the time.  Right now?  Not so much.  Someone please send some my way.  And while you're at it?  Please punch the person who coined the phrase "terrible twos".

Happy Birthday, Evie!

Three years ago, at three in the morning, Michael drove us in negative twenty degree weather to the hospital because we were finally going to meet our bouncing baby girl.  Nineteen loooooong hours later, she was born.

Happy Birthday Miss Evangeline Violet!!!

I can't believe my baby girl is three years old.  I can remember so clearly those first moments with her in the hospital, all the sleepless nights nursing her to sleep, her first steps, her first words.  It's amazing to me how fast children grow from this tiny helpless newborn to a sassy, smart, amazing three year old who challenges me everyday to be the best person I can be. 

Every stage of her life, I've said "I love this age."  I hate that she's growing up, but I love it at the same time.  I love seeing her learn new things and blossom into her own person.  Even when she's giving me attitude or won't listen or exerts her independence, I can't help but smile.  After all, she's practically my clone.

Evie through the ages:

Happy Birthday my not-so-little baby girl.  I love you!

Fighting like Cats & Dogs

Or two year old and dog to be more exact.

I thought being the parent of only one child meant I wouldn't have to deal with sibling rivalry.  And I didn't.  Until we got Roxy.  Now I think I understand why I hear parents yelling at their kids all the time.

My patience is running thin.

They antagonize each other just like siblings.  Evie waves a blanket in Roxy's face so she'll grab it and start playing tug-of-war.  Then Evie yells at her to let go.  If she doesn't, she starts crying.  Her fake cry of course.  Which gets Michael every time.  By now, I'm immune.

Roxy's not innocent either.  If Evie runs by her, she's almost always going to follow, getting under her feet and probably stealing whatever toy she's playing with. 

I've given more timeouts in the past few days than I ever have.  To  both of them.  I think they may be slowly driving me insane.  Like, really insane. 

What am I going to do when Roxy weighs fifty pounds and continues this behavior?  She'll drag Evie clear across the room if they tug-of-war with a blanket, and I have a feeling the blanket would be the one to suffer. She'd eat whatever toy she stole in one gulp.  

How in the world do parents deal with this everyday?  Or is that why they invented wine?